There are a plethora of self help books available to guide, assist, mentor and massage us through life. Here are seven book titles that noone would want unless to give as a gift to an unpleasant Mother in Law or smug old school buddy.
The Art of Obesity
An every day guide as to which foods to eat, which healthy foods to avoid, how not to exercise, how to snack between snacks to ensure you are busting those scales in no time.Dull and Boring, the New Chic
How you can make your whole wardrobe gray, how to get people running at parties, your guide to successful topics to make people yawn, how to talk in a monotone, the art of turning every positive into a negative and so much very much more actually basically speaking at this point in time moving forward.How to Flunk Exams
Worried about executive stress? Worried your excellent education might lead you to a good job with lots of prospects and bucketloads of cash? Act now and learn how to flunk exams and stop the mayhem before it starts. Find out how you can even spell your name wrong. Learn how to avoid all study. Learn how to write French…in English exams. Doesn't add up…great!101 Uses of Belly Button Fluff
For personal use or make a great home business. Topics include; how to develop a network of fluff donors, turn tummy button fluff into macramé masterpieces, fluff hankerchiefs the natural alternative, and fluff pillows for the hyper-allergenic. All you need to know on how to make tummy button fluff work for you.How to Choose the Longest Queue
Are you tired of always being rushed through at the airport or at the supermarket or bank? Do you find you have all the time in the world because you are always the first one through? This book will offer you plenty of tips on how to pick the slow queue. No more rushing through unable to catch your thoughts or listen to the gossip and conversations of others. Now you too can feel the weight of human presence and be pushed in the back, have your heels scraped by shopping trolleys, smell the aroma of people unable to master the art of washing or of dental hygiene. Get back into the real world today.How to be Exceptionally Annoying
This book is brimming with great ideas such as how to make the loudest crunch with potato chips at the movies, how to rustle the packet for ever and ever and ever and ever, and how to whisper really loudly. But whether in the home, in the office or just out with friends, learn how to turn your voice into a whine, how to take the credit for things you did not do, how not to do the things you are meant to, how to miss deadlines, make the most of greasy fingers, how to laugh at the wrong time, how to edge everyone else out in conversations and many, many, more.Great Cockroach Recipes
Cockroaches are the dinosaurs of the insect world and now you too can enjoy great cockroach eats with this wonderful book on how to catch, prepare and cook these bacteria encrusted wonders. Cockroach fricassee, cockroach and walnut tagine, cheesy puffballs with cockroach surprise, even cockroach yoghurt! Your mouth will water as you read about this overlooked wee morsel. The book includes a chapter on a weight loss diet using cockroaches, otherwise called involuntary bulimia.
Roll on Christmas 2008 as I now have some excellent ideas for presents!
