"Sometimes I wish I could just start over..." (pg. 58). This statement, by Samuel Atkins from the book Songs for a Teenage Nomad, by Kim Culbertson illustrates some of the confusion Sam feels in his life. Although Sam is a football player and a popular "jock," it is all just a facade. Sam only stays in the "in crowd" to hide his insecurity. Sam is not only confused, but he is also insecure. He can vacillate between being extremely caring, to overtly mean. Sam can sometimes be oblivious to others feelings, but in the end, he is a gentle and caring person.
For most of the novel Sam is very confused. Sam unwittingly becomes involved with Calle, a high school classmate. It is apparent Sam would like to be a part of Calle's life, yet he tells her they can not be together. He states his life is too frustrating and confusing right now, and expects Calle to understand and accept that. Having a clinically depressed mother only adds to Sam's confusion. He feels it has become too hard to take care of his mother at home, as his father refuse to help. Although Sam feels it is hard taking care of his mother, he is reluctant to commit her to a mental hospital. To top it all off, Sam discovers the girl Sam and his group make fun of at school is really his step-sister! All this upheaval has left Sam feeling as if the rug was pulled from under his feet. One way Sam minimizes the mounting confusion in his life, is by keeping things the same. Such as, staying with his girlfriend, Amber. They have been going out on and off since he was in the seventh grade. As Cass says, "He doesn't really like Amber, she's just a habit” (pg 176). Though by doing this, Sam only causes more confusion in his relationship with Calle.
Sam's reluctance to leave behind what he knows is a sign of his insecurity. He stays in a bad relationship and stays with the group of kids he is popular with, even though he no longer feels like one of them. Sam shows great affection towards Calle, but because Calle is not popular he will not accept her into his public life. "Who's that?" Sam's friend asks. "I don't know. A girl from English," replies Sam (pg. 71). Sam pretends not to know Calle when his friends are around, as he is afraid of being ridiculed or rejected by his "popular" friends. In addition, Sam will not acknowledge his step-sister, Cass, in public because of her social status as the "Loner". But he is willing to meet her in the privacy go Lucky's bar every Friday. Sam cares more about his reputation and popularity than going after what really matters to him.
Although in the novel Sam makes some unkind decisions he is, at heart, a kind person. Sam's kindness is noticed when he shows concern about Calle's relationship with her missing father. Sam shows great patience as Calle vents her feelings about her father numerous times. Sam even goes as far as arranging a job for Allison, Calle's mother. He talks his father into hiring Allison at the family business, a grocery store. His father also helps make arrangements for a new apartment for Calle and her mother to move into. In Sam's interaction with own his mother, Sam's kind side presents itself. He tends to her with the utmost tenderness and compassion. At one point his mother is crying hysterically, saying she does not want to be taken away again. Sam patiently and compassionately takes her back to her room, calms her down, reassuring her she will not be taken away. Despite what Calle thinks, Sam is not purposefully mean to her. Sam has great affection for Calle, but with all the turmoil in his life he can not commit himself to the development of their relationship. Sam slowly realizes his mistakes, maturing in the process. He forgets about what the popular crowd would or would not approve of, and goes with his own feelings. In so doing he renews his relationship with Calle, and accepts Cass into his social life.
Sam has a very complex and multi-dimensional personality. As with most people, Sam can be kind and caring, and the next minute he can be heartless and mean. Most teenagers try desperately to find their unique place in the world. Unless someone of Sam's age has a lot of self-confidence and a good support system, being different or having a different opinion is awkward. This can lead to the confusion and insecurity Sam experiences in the different situations he finds himself in. Despite Sam's insecurity and confusion, he is ultimately a strong and caring person. He is continuously growing and maturing throughout the novel. His true personality is finally not afraid to show itself.
